Ahasmatha


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still nothing
02.17.05 (1:00 pm)   [edit]
wow.. long time. probably because i have a relatively boring life lol. and still.. i have nothing to say.. how sad is this?
 
volunteering
01.21.05 (6:41 pm)   [edit]
i'm kind of irritated right now. i just got home from volunteering at a little kids dance.. it was fun. they're so cute!! but i'm thinking, why do we have to volunteer to graduate? i mean, i know it's to teach us morals and how to be a good person and shit like that, but come on!! it's not volunteering if you are FORCED to do it. i'm a grade 12, one semester away from graduating and as of tonight, i have a total of 11.5 hours. it's not because i haven't been volunteering, it's becuase i haven't been getting the forms filled out. and i haven't been getting them filled out because i feel it's a rip off. if you volunteer, you have to want to.. and where i volunteer i don't want the organizers to have to fill out forms and feel like i'm just obligated to to do it. so, in my 4 years of high school, i've gotten more than enough hours to graduate. i happen to like feeling good about doing something for my community or others around the world, and when i have to get sheets filled out, i don't feel good. it makes me feel sad that others think that i'm not doing it because i want to help, but that i have to do it in order to graduate. in the past 8 years i have been a volunteer to my old church when it has it's annual bazaar. i couldn't go this year for health reasons but last year i went and my mom got the woman to sign the form and that took all it's meaning away for me. i got 8 hours, and those 8 hours i feel so badly for. so now i'm afraid the organizer of the church's fundraisers thinks that i think that it's a waste of my time unless i get something out of it. but it's okay.. i'm still going next year, and the year after that, and the year after that... well after i've graduated. i know, i've repeated myself soooo many times in this rant, but i'm tired lol so i'm sort of repetitive.. so yes, those are my thoughts on this whole 40 hours to graduate thing.. don't like it at all.
peace
 
exams
01.20.05 (2:07 pm)   [edit]
hm. i don't even know why i still have this thing.. don't really use it, do i. oh well. i'm sure you'll live. good luck on your exams everyone.. i know i need it!! hope you all pass with flying colors
 
school
01.06.05 (3:33 pm)   [edit]
okay so school. school started on monday. it's thursday now but i don't care lol. it's fun seeing people again. i didn't really get out of the house during the holidays so it was okay. people came to me, but still it's not the same. me and mandi had a LOT of pent up laughing energy to get out and when we're both sick with head colds so we're retarded in the first place, accounting can be a fun class while sitting next to each other ahhaa soooo hilarious. hm. i'm bored with this.
peace
 
'05
01.02.05 (2:33 pm)   [edit]
happy 2005 everyone. hope its a good one
 
tsunami
12.28.04 (7:49 am)   [edit]
my god this is terrible. mother nature sure doesn't like someone. first the numerous hurricanes, now this massive tsunami. whats next? sooo many lives have been lost. it's just horrifying to watch the videos but i can't seem to stop.. it's one of those things where you can't look away because it's just so.. unbelievably sad and frightening. i hope everything turns out for those poor areas. pray for them.
 
BAH
12.27.04 (9:50 am)   [edit]
heres a thought.. quit being such a fucking woman!!!!!!
 
our tree
12.20.04 (5:49 pm)   [edit]
got a tree today.. saved it till last minute so it's a charlie brown christmas.. thats okay. it deserves a good home. hopefully our angel can stay on top without it falling over... hm... we'll have to test that one....

don't forget to click on my links.. they need your help. it takes 5 mins max.
 
seal
12.15.04 (2:46 pm)   [edit]
Then the rainstorm came over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my belief you see
And realized my mistake
 
explosion
12.10.04 (9:43 am)   [edit]
woo.. i love having 2 hours of sleep. i'm just lucky mother nature is on my side. last night was terrible. there was an explosion at dupont around 11 that rocked our house. it felt like someone just drove their SUV into our front door. so dad got called to put out the fire. while every man at dupont is running away from it, my dad had to go towards it. but it was okay. me and mom were listening to the monitor until he got home though. so i didn't get much sleep. i woke up with a migraine and listened to the radio.. there's school lol so i asked mom if i could stay home and she said i could so they both left and i went back to bed and at like 7:39 my bus driver called saying she wasn't coming.. so now i don't have to make an excuse for staying home. i love you mother nature!!
 
feeding frenzy
12.08.04 (7:41 am)   [edit]
i feel like i should dunk myself in acid to burn my skin off then plunge into the pacific with a 50 pound rock tethered to my leg and watch the sharks have their feeding frenzy.
 
bah
12.07.04 (5:46 am)   [edit]
"do you know where can i get some smokes?" yeah... up your fucking ass and around the fucking corner
 
panic
12.05.04 (12:15 pm)   [edit]

having a VERY sexy doctor staring at my chest for a good 45 minutes, so cool!
getting great on my practice G2 test, so cool!
being almost done my english paper, so cool!
having 6 panic attacks in 2 days, not so much.

 
yes!
12.04.04 (11:51 am)   [edit]
94% on my practice G2 test dawg!!! lmao so proud of myself.
 
stoned
12.02.04 (4:59 pm)   [edit]
i need to get really really really stoned. wake and bake? hell yes mo fo's! lovin' it.
 
callin' me stupid?
12.01.04 (12:07 pm)   [edit]

damnit. i just took a "how will you die" test and i got


You sure you can read this? Because according to your answers you are either: a).A Drunk b).A Pot head c).All of the above. The best way for you to end your loser life would be to simply get really wasted and pass out on some train tracks. I know its a little complicated for you to handle but I have faith in you!


i think they just called me stupid...
in my defence.. i don't drink!!!

 
...
11.30.04 (5:03 pm)   [edit]
gotta love mental instability. i haven't even figured out if thats even a word yet... instability. ugh. well who knows. know what else i love? double entries... ugh. don't be sick.
 
ah... ha?
11.30.04 (10:53 am)   [edit]
alright so woke up this morning, SHOWERED (yessssssss it felt niiiiiiiice), got dressed, had orange juice, brushed my teeth, put my shoes on, put my coat on, put my hand in my coat pocket and ba dum ba dummmm!!! an orange! a tangerine to be exact! lmao i cracked up then i remembered that ashley in her drunken state gave me the tangerine in my stoned state because i was hungry lmao she's funny. my back is killing me. we had an assembly today.. hour long. ouuuuch. i was twisted in a funny way because i definetly sat down in a BROKEN SEAT and was not too happy lmao so i had to sit so that it wouldn't crash on me or anything.. (it didn't) cuz that would have sucked. so now my back is sore and it doesn't help that i've been sleeping funny the past 4 nights so my neck hurts too but i'ts all good. oh god i have nothing to talk about. you suck. hm. i wonder how dan is doing. he wasn't lookin' too hot last time i saw him. poor guy was litterally green! anyways.. my wrap is warm so i'm gonna go eat it.. it's tasty. score for 4 oclock dinners! lol
 
happy
11.26.04 (1:25 pm)   [edit]
muah ha ha ha ha i'm happy
 
2 days and bazaar
11.22.04 (2:57 pm)   [edit]
ohhhh hhhhh hhh hh h. two more days. two more days. AHH!!! bah i'll be happy lol and tay's visiting me on friday to watch movies.. *cough*FERNGULLY2*cough* and then if i feel good i'm going to go to the party on saturday which should be okay. but first i think i might go to the bazaar but thats gonna be tough... i'll have to call gramma. it would not be cool if i didn't go this year though. i've gone every year for 8 years. i've gotten used to the counting of the change, to the old women telling me "ohh look at how tall you've gotten!!!", to my favorite old woman being a sweety to me and giving dirty looks to my 'competition' lol i love her and i don't even know her name. last year might have been her last though. she was in pretty bad shape. and i love love love spending the day with my mom and gramma. it just sucks i couldn't get hold of her last weekend to make fudge with her :( ah well. some other time. the only thing i'm really not looking forward to is seeing the reverand. he's irritating. i miss reverand vandermay. he was a sweety. he should come back.. that would be wonderful to see him again lol i just really dislike the new guy. his kids are sooooo annoying. esp. the girl. she's like 2 years younger than me and has this system of thinking.. "i'm better than you because my daddy is the reverand." i kinda wanna strangle her but then would i ever go to hell lol karma would really kick my ass then. but it's nice to know my gramma is the most loved woman in the church lol and likely community. anyways... so yes, that was my... news? lol it wasn't really news even. psht.
peace
 
accounting
11.18.04 (2:41 pm)   [edit]
so i'm pretty excited! my accounting mark, oh yeah, SEVENTY FIVE!!!!!! pretty happy about that.. i'm hoping that my average is in the high 70s because i know i'm not on the honor roll (stupid mandi made it lmao oh well. good for her, she hasn't been on it since grade 9.. me either.. damnit aha) and i've been getting really good test marks soooooo lol i dunno though. i don't really participate in class.. meh not gonna read too far into this.
peace
 
lyrics
11.15.04 (4:52 pm)   [edit]
some lyrics from songs i've been listening to a lot lately. they make sense to me.. dunno about you but i love these songs.

[LINE]
So what in the world am I suppose to do?
I never did anything to you
so can't you find something else to do?

God must hate me
He cursed me for eternity
God must hate me
Maybe you should pray for me
I'm breaking down and you can't save me
I'm stuck in hell
and I wanna go home
[LINE]
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life
[LINE]
They say, that I must learn to kill before I can feel safe
But I, I'd rather kill myself than turn into their slave

Sometimes, I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow, I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder
[LINE]
Why’d I play the fool
Go through ups and downs
Knowing all the time
You wouldn’t be around
But maybe I liked the stress
Cause I was young and restless
But that was long ago
I don’t wanna cry no more
[LINE]
And when the minute I act a fool
Ya don't like how I'm livin? Bitch fuck you (uh-huh)
[LINE]
The worlds on fire and
It's more than I can handle
I dive into the water
I try to pull my ship
I try to bring more
More than I can handle
Bring it to the table
Bring what I am able

I watch the heavens and I find a calling
Something I can do to change this moment
Stay close to me while the sky is falling
Don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone
[LINE]
I know that you're gonna fly
Somewhere brighter on the other side
And one day I'm gonna be there too
Where the sun is shining and the water's blue
I know that you're gonna fly
Somewhere brighter on the other side
I know you're somewhere where you're finally free
You'll always be a part of me
Yeah, You'll always be a part of me
Like the moon is to the sea
[LINE]
You push and you pull and struggle with the knot,
It's tying you up while you're fadin',
You give and you take and take what you got,
'Round and 'round 'till it breaks
[LINE]
It’s time to open up your eyes and catch sight
Cause you could wake up in the morning, and not make it to the night
Take advantage of your life, you only get one try
You gonna be satisfied today if tonight you died?
Well I’m not that guy, I keep my blood runnin’
You say you’ve had enough, and I say keep it comin
Now you’re bummed because you’re done and you’re left all alone
Should’ve known livin blown you’d end up like a clone WHAATTTT!

Say goodbye to a tangerine sky
say hello say hello to tomorrow
when you say goodbye to a tangerine sky you lose your pain lose your fear lose your sorrow

It’s not a place on any map it’s Kaya meditation that home grown herbal zone peaceful medication at peace
no understandin no condition but love at peace all accepting to the sky above
[LINE]

okay okay that's enough for tonight. so i read the paper today and there's some new pill that curbs your drug addictions and smoking and obesity. are you serious? cure a drug addiction with a pill??? they're just asking for trouble with that one. next thing you know there's gonna be a "Miracle Pill Rehab." yeah, good luck government.
i don't really have much to say. today i bombed an accounting quiz. stupid thing. i forgot we had one today because well... friday, saturday, sunday.. 3 whole days for me to forget about a quiz. ah well. i'll study extra hard for the test.
know what's fucked? i was so busy doing nothing that i actually forgot to have dinner.. okay, not true. i thought about it at 5, then was like "meh, i'll get it later" then 8 rolls on by and i say "okay ill get it now... in a minute... wait for a commercial......." and now it's 10 and i still haven't gotten dinner lol oh well.. i'll just wait till breakfast. as if i procrastinated on my dinner though. gah. i'm pretty happy cuz mommy got me my orange juice lol score!!!!!!
so yeah... okay... csi calls i guess.. the bad thing about living in the mdot, i watch wayyyyy too much tv. ugh.
peace out
 
green day weekend
11.13.04 (9:02 am)   [edit]
okaaay so my life is boring. for every good thing that happens to me there is double the bad things. gotta love it. oh well. one year left then work then college. i'm very optimistic for college. wherever i get in. be able to keep some creativeness in my job as a photographer lol yay! i guess i'm more optimistic for graduating. but who knows. maybe i don't. maybe i underestimated this year as a grade 12 and i might actually fail. meh. who knows. i suppose i have to just focus on living through the year more than if i'm going to fail or not. i hate uncertainties. i wish i had my G so i could just go for trips anywhere. i wish i had a job so i could fund these trips. but for now i have to look at getting my G2 even. my last in-car lesson is december the 9th. soooo farrrrrrr awayyyy. i'm doing good though. he says i'm very good on the highway and that made me happy considering how damn nervous i was. i was grateful i didn't crash into another car lol. i'm looking forward to this weekend. rhae's coming home and i don't know if she's bringing sam with her or not but either way it'll be fun. show sam the big town of brockvegas... uh... sarcasm. it sucked cuz sam's sister really wanted to go to the concert with us (her sister is my age) but couldn't come from the TDot because she had volleyball that weekend.. oh well. next time. she sounds like a cool chick. oh the concert.. the concert was... AMAZING. best one i've seen during my 17 years of life.. now, i know what you're thinking, and the answer is yes, it was even better than hanson lmao oh goodness. after the concert we went to Peel (sam paul and andrew went home though cuz they all had morning classes so it was just me rhae and jay) and did dollar shots. ooh baby. my favorite was mango.. mmm. it was funny.. when we got out of the concert it was POURING so when we got to peel we looked like 3 drowned rats. we were walking in and i accidentaly made eye contact with the bouncer and he asked for my ID lol whatever i got in. our waiter sucked arse. he left at one point for 20 mins. jay was pissed lmao he already had 12 shots in him and he was getting antsy to have his next 6 ahahhaha rhae and i only had 14 but jay had to have 18. so once we were finished in there, we went to winnie's for dancing. we were going to go to karoline's but didn't want to pay the 10 dollar cover charge so we went to winnie's where it was ladies night so rhae and i got in for free but jay had to pay.. i can't remember how much. me and rhae got a free beer too lol it was grand. and winnie's is where i met a few really really hot black guys. suchhhh good dancers. except one guy.. he was just awkward to dance with so i mouthed the word HELP cuz he was trying to kiss me and rhae stole me away ahaha gotta love sisters. we had such a great time. so that was that thursday lol friday we took it easy. took some pics of her school then just had a relaxing night. it was great. soooo windy that day. then saturday we went shopping with my rents and sam and i went home. i can't wait to go back. i feel bad for jay though. lol his class is so boring. i tagged along with him to his travel and tourism class because he wanted company and holy. his teacher is terrible!! he called everything she said BEFORE she said it. that was hilarious.
this is pretty long.....
peace
 
wee!
11.10.04 (10:44 am)   [edit]
wee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
some chicks are dumber than hell
11.07.04 (7:24 am)   [edit]
if she pulled this shit in somewhere like toronto she'd be beat so bad that if she moved she'd die from her own fault.